I saw all the signs but I listened to the advice and made up excuses along the way ignoring the oncoming ripples.
“Oh, she will grow out of this phase!” – I just need to wait and it will go away.
“They all catch up so don’t worry about it.” – I won’t worry about her lack of walking and basic coordination skills.
“My child did that but she grew out of it fast.” – I won’t worry about the rolling around on the floor with the tantrum.
“All kids do that at least once in public.” – The meltdowns over stuff will go away. I’ll just push my way through this. This will just be a short time.
“She will learn to eat food at some time. Don’t worry about it.” – I’ll just keep feeding her and it will be okay. Just because I can’t get her to eat anything but the most pureed baby food is okay. She will learn to eat.
“I would not be worried about her lack of talking. All kids learn to talk at some time.” – She only has 12 words and it six months from 2 years. But they said she would talk at some time. I won’t worry about it.
A small pebble is thrown into a pond and the ripples go out from the center. Each wave gets larger and larger as the ripples go out. They all have a starting point. If you are level and looking in you just see small waves coming at you. Each wave is just that a wave. But when you look at the overall problem from the above you see that it is ripples in a pond and all have a starting point.
Did I See All The Signs In The Oncoming Ripples?
I had so much advice from everyone about how everything was “a phase” that I did not see or look at all the ripples or signs. In reality, the pond was full of ripples that I was not looking at or dealing with the overall source of the problem or problems. And I did not see the problem as a whole. I just knew everyone said it would get better. Plus I felt like I was the worst parent ever because I could not deal with the problems.
I saw so many signs but only one at a time. And sometimes they came from a different cause that I did not put together until the different ripples were overlapping. I also was so blind to the advice that people gave me who had “been there” I did not want to see them.
What Were The First Ripples?
For the problems in our house, the ripples started much earlier than I thought. I kept a great journal when my girls were younger. It really helped me look at the overall oncoming ripples.
We had some of the following: feeding, clothes changes, regression or learning, meltdowns, lack of speech, and tantrums. Each of these had their own set of starting points for the ripples that I saw. I really did not focus on the overall problems from the different waves that I saw.
What Did I Do About The Ripples?
The ripples all came in different waves and somewhere bigger than others. I felt like a horrible mother because my child was not outgrowing the problems. The waves just kept coming and coming. I was frustrated, angry and hurt that I could not take care of my child.
I had one friend who suggested that I get my child evaluated with Early Intervention. I was thrown for a loop at the suggestion. I mean everyone else said she would grow out of it. She helped me look at the problem from the top to see the whole ripple effect instead of just the oncoming waves.
I’m not a bad mom. I just couldn’t see the whole picture for me to understand the ripples on the pond had a source.
Looking At The All The Ripples Together
Once I looked at the whole pond and saw all the ripples and they did have a source it made me feel better. It did not help the challenges that we were facing but did make some difference.
I also started taking less and less advice and pushing my own way forward with each wave. I had all the signs but ignored them because someone else said it would just get better.
No matter the issue you as a mom can always know what is best for your kids and do what you need for your kids. Listen to advice but also realized that not all advice fits for every child and certainly those with special needs.
This is a new series that I’m starting with 12 other bloggers. This is going to be a great series and full of emotion. You can read everyone’s posts about recognizing signs below. There are so many different ways to see and know signs for what they are.
10 Early Signs of Autism – Natural Beach Living
How to Recognize Signs of a Mood Disorder in Young Children – Every Star is Different
Sensory Processing Red Flags – Lemon Lime Adventures
Recognizing the signs – Childhood Trauma – STEAM Powered Family
Recognising signs as a first time special needs parent – My Home Truths
Hemophilia, Juvenile Arthritis, and Allergies… Oh my – Grace and Green Pastures
Myths About Recognizing Developmental Delays – Life Over C’s
Recognizing the Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder – The Chaos and The Clutter
7 Sanity Saving Tips if You Think Your Child has Special Needs – B-Inspired Mama
When They Say It’s Just Your Parenting – This Outnumbered Mama
Signs That Your Early Reader Has Hyperlexia – And Next Comes L
How to Deal with the Unexpected Learning Disability – Kori at Home
Forgiving Myself for Denying the Signs of Autism in My Daughter – Parenting Chaos
Here is a ook at all the themes for the 12 months:
Cassie – 3Dinosaurs.com